This is a complete repost from my old blog, but I re-read it and laughed uncontrollably… A short story that my younger brother, Tadd, wrote. This might fall under the “you had to be there” category…
Tadd Good
Professor Burm
English 101 10:45
01 September 2004
My Most Memorable Christmas
As I opened my eyes to look at the clock, I realized what day it was. This frigid winter morning was the just the beginning of a great Christmas. I peeped between the curtains near my bed and saw the beautiful, white, untouched snow that had fallen overnight. The windows had frosted over, making it difficult for the morning sun to pass through. Just like all kids my age, I had been waiting for this day all year long. Each year I promised to sleep in a little longer, but this year was no different. It was just after seven a.m. and I knew that both of my older siblings were still asleep. I just didn’t understand how they could sleep when there was so much to do. Determined to have all of my gifts unwrapped, opened, and ready for action within an hour, I began my awakening ritual. Making as much noise as possible, I violently stomped down the clunky steel ladder of the bunk bed that my older brother Jake and I shared. Each footstep caused a loud ring from the metal vibrating against the frame of the bed. Jake, being the lazy teenager he was, angrily squinted his eyes open and groaned in obvious disapproval. After seeing me on the ladder and remembering what day it was, he rolled over in submission, realizing there was no option but to wake up. Stretching and yawning, he threw me one last glare before we headed towards the living room.
We slowly made our way to the living room where the giant Christmas tree was waiting. Our parents were expecting our early arrival, and they were armed with tall mugs of coffee. Jake and I gazed in wonder at the array of colorful gifts that had been stacked under the glowing tree. As the youngest of three kids, it was known that I would receive more gifts than anyone else. This didn’t exactly make either my brother or sister very happy, and they let everyone know one way or another. I eagerly approached my parents, fearing for the worst.
“Mom, can I start opening mine yet?†I asked with a huge smile.
“Tadd, you know we can’t start without your sister here. Just let Jessica sleep a bit more.â€Â
Jake knew very well that it wasn’t possible for him to fall back asleep, so he was determined to wake his younger sister up one way or another. Like usual, Jake was devising an evil plan in his head, a plan he knew he wouldn’t be executing. He knew that as long as he didn’t actually follow through with his plans, he was off the hook. That’s what little brothers were for. I would have done almost anything he told me to, and he used this to his advantage. While our parents shuffled into the kitchen for a refill of their highly caffeinated coffee, Jake challenged his plot to me.
“I dare you to just blast into Jessica’s room and jump on her bed. That should wake her right up!†he said with an evil grin.
Being the naïve youngster I was, I decided to take his idea and run with it. I was determined to wake my sister up, make my brother laugh, and to rip my presents open as soon as I possibly could.
I slowly crept to the coat closet to construct a suit that was both funny and scary. I thought back to the old black and white mystery movies and decided that every good disguise needed something covering the face. I slipped on my black cotton ski mask I had used to play in the snow earlier that week. Now I needed something to cover my body. My mom’s long, wool, dress coat looked like it was straight from a movie set. Pulling it over my scrawny shoulders, the bottom of the jacket touched the floor, covering my bare feet and Mighty Duck pajamas. Looking at myself in the mirror, I realized my outfit was a bit too scary. I decided to add a few accessories to tone down the mobster look of my attire. Sliding my mom’s oversized sunglasses from the interior pocket of her jacket, I knew they would go great with my ski mask. My outfit was almost complete. Grabbing the nearest object, my sister’s maroon umbrella, I headed down the dark hallway to my destination.
Tiptoeing through the hallway, I began to have second thoughts. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make her scared for her life or make her cry laughing. Either way, I knew I would get a reaction, so I decided to go for it. When I reached her bedroom door, I read the home made paper sign that read “do not enter.†Ignoring it, I inhaled deeply, unsure what would happen in the next few seconds.
I raised my arms above my head, ready to strike. With all of my force and strength, I slammed my fists into the door, sending it swinging into the wall. I entered the dark room screaming like a banshee. Swinging the open umbrella over my head, I yelled her name at the top of my lungs in the most terrifying voice any grade-school kid could attempt.
“Jessica, Jessica, wake up now!†I yelled.
As soon as Jessica caught her first glimpse of me, it was as if she had seen a ghost or Satan himself. Clutching her chest for air, she jumped back into the corner of her bed. Her eyes showed fear I had never witnessed before in my life. Her bed rattled against the walls as she slammed her back into the steel frame and shook in utter fear. She screamed for help in a scared, whimpering voice.
“Oh my god! Somebody help! Help!†she cried.
Tears began to stream down her cheeks as she thought her life was over. She clutched the bars of her bed, making her muscles stand out and her knuckles white. In a panic myself, I tried to calm her down as quickly as I could by ripping off my mask, revealing my face.
“Calm down! I’m sorry! It’s just me, Tadd!†I reassured her.
After gasping for air and finally catching her breath, she looked at me with fire in her eyes.
“I seriously hate you so much! What is your problem?†she asked as she wiped the tears from her face.
“Merry Christmas!†I said with a nervous smile on my face.
In the other room, I heard my brother rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter. This was a Christmas that nobody would forget.